Reason
by Tissue34
Summary: Satoshi's loneliness is making him mad, who will help? SatoRisa


**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Dnangel. Never have and probably never will.**

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Reason

I can remember those days. Those days where I could here nothing but my own thoughts, hear only my feet against the cement as I walked, the days when I would stare at the empty seat in front of me during dinner, the days that I barely opened my mouth, I barely spoke, the days where I looked around to just find my apartment empty, no live, nothing. The days when everything was meaningless.

I went from day to day with nothing. No purpose. Nobody.

At first the realization of change didn't sink in. Maybe I was in denial, or I just didn't think of how things would be different. I would sit there, in my apartment, alone. Looking out to the meaningless room. Nothing especial. I would go on to doing my everyday things. Everything became a routine. Everything became boring. There were some days where I said not one word. I wasn't tired, but I had no energy.

I didn't know what was wrong with me.

I should have been happy. I should be perfectly fine. I should be celebrating the freedom I now had, but I felt more trapped than ever. I should be without a care in the world. But I turned into a zombie.

After Krad was gone I realized just how alone I was in the world. But I convinced my self that it was better to be alone than to be with Krad. I was truly the only Hikari left in this world. It was just me. My mom was gone, I've never had any siblings, I've never had a real family, never found a place warm and happy enough to call home.

I really had no reason to go back to school but I kept returning to school. I had no reason to sit there through the boring lectures of stuff I had already learned. No reason for me to sit there as a group of girls stared at me all day, no reason for me to get stalked by these girls, or get love letters every week. But for some reason, there was always something that I looked froward to. Something that I always thought about when I woke up from a meaningless dream. Something that seemed special even though it would happen every morning.

"Good morning Satoshi-kun," she would always say. And I would always look up to the cheerful smile of Risa Harada. It was a warm smile. A smile that warmed me up inside.

"Good morning Harada-san," I would always answer. That smile was always at the back of my mind.

I kept telling myself that it was nothing of any importance. But it was. I knew in the back of my mind that she was the only reason I would go back to school. She kept me from going crazy. She was the only way of human contact in my life. I could easily talk to her. She would talk to me. She talked most of the time, but it didn't matter. It didn't matter what she was talking about, I would listen with my full attention. The sound of her voice would comfort me. She was reckless, childish, immature, cheerful, a loose cannon. She was different. Different from everybody. And she gave me hope that I wasn't completely alone in this world.

But before I knew it, everything started to change. One day...in one day...everything changed. I was sitting in the classroom. People had already come in and were talking amongst themselves. I looked up when I saw the girl with chocolate brown hair, and sweet eyes. She was smiling and laughing with her other friends as she walked in. I looked straight at her as she turned to me. She looked right at me, not smiling anymore. Her eyes looked right at mine. This would usually be the part when she would greet me, but she didn't. She looked at me for a moment. She looked like she was hesitating, and she looked away with no definite expression.

I first thought that I had misinterpreted her actions. It was probable that she hadn't seen me, or maybe she was busy with something, so I decided that I would talk to her during the breaks, as usual. The bell rang indicating lunch to the hungry student body. I walked out calmly as opposed to the ones running to get out. I walked around campus to the usual spot where we met. I turned a corner and I saw her standing there. Her eyes became wide when she saw me.

I opened my mouth to say something, but before I could, she ran away. In one swift movement, she turned and ran. I was left there with my words half way to my throat. Something had changed and I knew it. I could feel it. The next days were torture. I wanted to talk to her, but all she did was run away. _Why in the world are you doing this Risa? What did I do? How can I make it up to you?_ I found myself asking these questions every minute. I didn't realize just how important she was in my life. She was the most important thing in my life.

Then the most important thing in my life was distancing itself from me. She seemed a mile further away every day. She would avoid me, ignore me, not talk to me, it came to the point where she wouldn't even look at me.

I couldn't take it anymore.

I couldn't take seen her everyday, with no worries. I couldn't take the anger that was building up inside me. So I did what she probably wished, I disappeared. I stopped going to school, I stopped going out of my apartment overall. I felt myself getting further and further away from humanity.

It just was me. An army of one. An army fighting to keep sanity. There was absolutely no sound in the four walls that imprisoned me. It wasn't peaceful. This silence wasn't normal. It was worse than unnecessary noise. The room seemed to get smaller and smaller, the loneliness and darkness was trying to eat me alive.

Some days, I would just sit there, waiting for nothing in particular, probably another human life. I had no reason to live. No one to see, no one to talk to. The only time when I saw a human being was through a mirror. The time past. I couldn't even keep track of the days. I was loosing it.

The only medicine from my insanity had left me, along with everything else...It was all her fault...She was the one to blame for this...this...jail...It was all her fault...She was to blame...for my misery...she's the one who left me...she should me miserable too...NO!

I tied my fingers in the back of my head and squeezed my head in between my arms. No, how could I want Risa to be miserable...but it was all her fault...no...no it wasn't. It wasn't! I let my head drop to the surface of my table trying to bring back some sanity, which, at this point, I believed to be quite impossible.

I started taking deep breaths. Let each individual one take its journey through my body before inhaling once more.

I couldn't keep living like this.

I couldn't continue like this.

I started looking nervously around. My hands shaking, still taking deep breaths.

Then I heard something I had not heard in a long time. A knock. I stood frozen almost not recognizing the noise.

_Knock-knock_. It was faint but I could still hear it compared to the silence around me. I got up and walked to the door. I turned the knob, not knowing what to expect. And there she was.

Risa was standing outside my door.

"H-Harada-san...?" I asked surprised.

"Satoshi-kun!" she threw her arms around my neck. But I had turned bitter and cold, and from the second she had spoken, rage had built up inside me. I pushed her away.

"What are you doing here?" I asked so coldly that icicles might as well had come out of my mouth.

"I came to talk to you, can i come in?" she said.

Before I could object she walked inside to the table near the kitchen. I closed the door behind her. I turned to face her, "What do you want Harada?"

"I need to talk to you Satoshi-kun," she said.

"Well, I'm right here, so talk," I said rudely.

"Satoshi-kun, why did you stop going to school-?" Risa began.

"WHY DID I STOP GOING TO SCHOOL?!" I shouted with fury, "WHY DID I STOP GOING TO SCHOOL?! WHY DID YOU ACT LIKE I DIDN'T EXIST?!"

"Satoshi-kun I-"

"WHY DID YOU JUST LEAVE ME?!" I didn't let her finish. All these questions that had been bottled deep inside were coming out.

"Satoshi-kun Let me-!"

"WHY DID YOU ABANDON ME RISA?! WHY?!" I started breathing fast and unevenly. She stayed quite, staring at me. I waited for her to make up some stupid excuse to cover up her actions.

"I want to talk to you about that Satoshi-kun..." she said quietly, "I-I never meant to abandon you-" excuses, just excuses. I looked at her with a cold expression.

"Then what did you mean to do?" I said darkly.

"I..."she took a deep breath"...I don't know...I...everything just changed..."

"WHAT CHANGED?! HUH?! DID YOU JUST GET BORED WITH ME?! DID I GET TOO BORING FOR YOU RISA?!" I shouted.

"I NEVER SAID THAT!" she shouted back, "JUST LISTEN TO ME!"

I started at her, waiting for her to continue speaking.

"I didn't come here to yell at you. I know you're mad, but you have to know something."

"What?" I said dully.

"Everything did change, for me anyways. I...I realized something. I realized that I love you," she said. I froze.

"I didn't see you in the same way, I couldn't get near you the same way," she said, looking away remembering everything,"I got nervous and I didn't know what to say...and...I was scared..."

"Why-?"

"Because I never felt like this about anyone...I was afraid that you might not feel the same way..." she trailed off. I looked at her. She hadn't changed at all from all this time. She was still the Risa I knew. The Risa that I had come to love. Her beautiful eyes looked up at me. Asking for an answer. I lost all anger at that point. She didn't deserve fury thrown at her. She had distant herself for the same reason that I needed her. I needed her more than anything because I love her. I stepped closer to her and stroked her cheek. I took her into my arms. She put her arms around me and there we stood. All I needed was her in my arms. That's all I wanted.

"I love you, Risa-chan," I said and lifted her chin. Her eyes met mine and I pressed my lips against hers.

Everything changed again, but one thing stayed the same. Risa was still the most precious thing in my world. I went back to school, to be with her. I would do anything for her.

I don't need to worry about loosing my sanity anymore. I always have someone to talk to. Now I hear another pair of feet walking besides me, I hear that sweet voice everyday, there is never that empty seat anymore, Risa occupies it. Risa. Her smile was my medicen, her presence was my treatment, her love was my cure.

Risa is my reason to life. She's my reason.

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**A/N: oKay sorry, had it in my mind. Well i hope you like it. Satoshi went sorta nuts... Thanks for reading. Please rate.  
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